You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
