I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
