After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
