I heard we made out
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
