tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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