Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You made out with two different species that night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
