watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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