its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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