she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
