I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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