my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
