let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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