How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
