Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
