Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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