Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
