can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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