He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I looked at my own cervix.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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