i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
