good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
