i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
