It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
