Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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