well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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