I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
