omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
