I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
