This girl is more easily done than said...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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