Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
