Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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