How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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