"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
