I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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