I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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