I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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