My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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