yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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