if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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