one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
