You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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