he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
