College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
