actually, I'm a sock model
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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