i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
