PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
