You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
