Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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