fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
