Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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