Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
